You know those arguments that start and we can't even remember why? Often caused by a comment made in a way that irritated someone, who then became 100% defensive and unable to listen? From then on, anything said "wrongly" can just become more fuel to escalate the argument.
This is something so common that it has probably happened to you before. And now you must be wondering: "How could I avoid starting a conflict like this?". The starting point, according to Nonviolent Communication (NVC) practices, is to remain open to listening, have empathy for the other person, and avoid judgment in a conversation.
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But hold on, that's not being passive!
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If you're one of those people who don't take insults lying down, you don't need to think that you'll lose strength in your positions by doing what NVC (Nonviolent Communication) indicates. Quite the opposite, because with the tools of Nonviolent Communication you will become a much more honest person in your speech.
Ultimately, one of the main premises is that we can be more honest with ourselves and with others; in this way, we will get to know ourselves even better, making it easier to express ourselves and understand others.
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Origin of Nonviolent Communication
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In the 1960s, the American psychologist Marshall Rosenberg systematized the concept of NVC and founded the The Center for Nonviolent CommunicationMarshall died in 2015, but before that, he spread Nonviolent Communication in about 60 countries and wrote several books on the subject.
Nonviolent Communication: Techniques for improving personal and professional relationships. (Nonviolent Communication: A language of life) This is one of the psychologist's major works. It's a highly recommended book for anyone who wants to learn more about the concept and work through interpersonal conflicts in a healthier and more empathetic way.
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And how do you apply it?
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A key word in books and presentations on Nonviolent Communication is empathy. The seven letters of this word bring much of Marshall's studies to our relationships, because the more empathetic we are, the easier it will be to see ourselves in others and understand issues that may sound like judgments or criticisms.
We know that change won't happen overnight, because these practices involve much more than a list of rules to be followed. But to help with this beginning, Marshall created four pillars that help guide interpersonal relationships within NVC:
- 1. Observation (instead of judgment)
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- 2. Feelings (instead of evaluations)
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- 3. Needs (instead of strategies)
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- 4. Requests (instead of orders).
See how Nonviolent Communication (NVC) can help you in various aspects of modern life? If you're curious and want to delve even deeper into the subject, the ECOM team highly recommends reading Marshall Rosenberg's book and believes that good communication is always the best approach.
